


Hey Now

by saccharineflower



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 14:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16306535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saccharineflower/pseuds/saccharineflower
Summary: After some thoughts and sleepless nights, Kyungsoo found himself writing a breaking up note for Jongin.





	Hey Now

**Author's Note:**

> Not the best work and I'm not really confident posting this one because I'm not satisfied but yeah it's here! Apologies in advanced.
> 
> Unbeta-ed, of course, because I'm lazy and doesn't want to panic. I might end up deleting the whole fic, as usual.

 

"So.. What do you want to watch next week?" Jongin asks while grinning at him across the table, both of his hands classed and his elbow propping on top of the table.

 

The waiter interrupts them by giving the menu, and Kyungsoo eyes the list.

 

"Maybe, we should watch that Amanda Siegfried movie, don't you think so?" Jongin speaks again and this time Kyungsoo puts down the menu to sip some wine while looking at Jongin speaking comically.

 

"Hm," he agrees. "Maybe, we should do that."

 

Jongin beams and Kyungsoo's lips turns into the slightest of smile.

 

The entire night goes by Jongin drying his tongue out while Kyungsoo just listen.

 

\-----

 

He's tired.

 

No. He's beyond tired.

 

He was seconds ago from sending a resignation letter earlier when he finished all his work for the day but his boss decided that it's good to ask Kyungsoo nicely to finish some extras and photocopy them.

 

So when Jongin gets a hold of his waist from his back and kisses his nape, he grunts out of tiredness. He's not in the mood to have sex now that he's tired. He's actually worried that even if he's tired and totally fine, he's still not in the mood to have sex.

 

He still thinks that maybe he's just tired.

 

Jongin's kissing now the skin where his neck and shoulder connects. And when the all familiar but strange hands these months slip under his plain white shirt, he shrugs away and takes a few steps away from Jongin.

 

He's tired. He's not even in the mood to talk, let alone have sex.

 

And maybe, it's not just the job he's not tired of.

 

Looking back at the other, he sees Jongin sending him worried glance. His brows furrowed and his hands are reaching out, looking like almost holding them but Kyungsoo grimaces and hugs his body by touching his forearms.

 

"What's wrong?" Jongin finally asks. "Are you okay?"

 

The worry is dripping out of those words, careful and patient. Kyungsoo doesn't remember when was the last time he felt the giddiness whenever Jongin worries about him.

 

Right now, he just want to sleep.

 

"I'm just tired from work," he admits, trying to atleast show a guilty smile. But when he feels that he lets out a grimace, he stops.

 

"Maybe, next time?" he offers that he instantly regret. Because he doesn't even know when is that next time. He doesn't even know if it'll happen.

 

"Huh?" Jongin asks.

 

Kyungsoo frowns. "I mean, the.. You know.."

 

Jongin seems like to forget the ' _intimacy_ ' from earlier and the furrow on his brows fade but he's not smiling also. The taller sighs and pursed his lips, raising both of his eyebrows before offering a smile to Kyungsoo.

 

"You should take a rest," Jongin says while going to the door. Jongin stops just by the door frame and in front of the air con operator. Jongin clicks, taps on the screen and Kyungsoo feels the room temperature drop a bit. He suddenly feels comfortable.

 

Jongin looks back at him, asking him if the temperature is good. If not too warm. He smiles and Jongin walks closer to him.

 

Jongin kisses his forehead, a bit longer, like seconds and he rubs his arms.

 

"Go to bed," Jongin whispers against his forehead. "I'll do the dishes."

 

He nods and Jongin comes out of the room to go to the kitchen.

 

Kyungsoo goes to bed, feeling a bit lonely because of tge space around him. Still, the sleepiness comsumes him.

 

Jongin goes inside after almost an hour, smiling fondly at a sleeping Kyungsoo. He raises the blanket to slip in, carefully lying beside Kyungsoo and feeling a bit disappointed that the other's back is facing him. He still hugs the other's middle slowly and burries his nose on the back of Kyungsoo's head, smiling at the fluffiness of the hair and smell of it because Kyungsoo smells like him.

 

Soft whispers of _I love you_ and _goodnight_ were whispered to Kyungsoo.

 

Jongin's not even aware when's the last time Kyungsoo answer back.

 

\-----

 

It's been bugging him.

 

Actually, it's been bugging him for months now.

 

He doesn't actually know when this start. All he knows is it's not exciting anymore. He finds it uncomfortable to hold Jongin's hand in public. He finds it annoying whenever Jongin demands for his attention. Going to work used to drain him but now it just make him breathe in relief because being with Jongin doesn't sit right onto his stomach anymore.

 

He doesn't remember too when's the last time they had sex. It's been months. And Kyungsoo always brush the other off whenever Jongin hints. It's just.. Kyungsoo feels disgusted and uncomfortable for some kind of reason.

 

Eight years ago, kissing Jongin is the only drug he consume. Making out with Jongin now feels wrong. Every stroke of his lips, he thinks of it. How he should bit the other's lower lip or how he let Jongin slips his tongue. He used to let the love and romance do their work but now kissing Jongin feels like a chore.

 

Saying that Kyungsoo doesn't feel sad and hurt is wrong. He feels sad. He feels guilty. Most of all, he feels like such an unloyal lover. He's not cheating, no. But he still feel like betraying Jongin from feeling all of these.

 

And to top it all, he feels hurt and he feels like in trouble everytime he tries to talk to Jongin. To tell Jongin he doesn't feel the same way anymore. To tell Jongin the sparks' not there anymore. And that he wants nothing but to be free from this relationship.

 

The thing from last month irks him, too. He heard Jongin talking to Sehun, a friend of theirs, about proposing. Jongin talked so animated yet emotional that time. He swear he even heard him sniffling while telling Sehun how nervous he is. How scared he is if Kyungsoo say _no_. Those words and Jongin's voice made him guilty too much it hits the roof.

 

But what hurts more was when Jongin said he has the ring already. That he's just thinking of the right time to ask Kyungsoo. That he needs to ask Kyungsoo's parents first and he didn't really spent time thinking about proposal. That it was just a spur of the moment when they went out on a date and when he heard Kyungsoo laugh on a line from the movie. That he thinks Kyungsoo's really _the one_ , not just because of the eight years they've been together.

 

The thing didn't let Kyungsoo sleep for nights. He already feel like losing Jongin that time. Or more like he already feel like Jongin's losing him that time.

 

A week after that, while dinner, Jongin mentioned about Baekhyun and Chanyeol's first wedding anniversary. That they're invited. And Kyungsoo couldn't stop himself from asking.

 

_"How about you?" he had asked Jongin that time._

 

Jongin was shock but a serene smile bloomed on his face.

 

_"How about you?" Jongin had asked back._

 

Forgot the filter and Kyungsoo answered in straight voice. Straight words and straight to Jongin's fragile heart.

 

" _I'm not ready_ ," he had said. " _I don't think I want to get married_."

 

He saw in his own eyes how the smile slid off on Jongin's face. How Jongin looked down with frown. How Jongin blinked few times before looking at him with red eyes, and shaking smile.

 

" _It's fine_ ," Jongin had said. " _It's fine_."

 

Kyungsoo knew it's not. And he knows he should leave Jongin if he doesn't feel the same anymore. But he wanted another chance. For both of them.

 

That's why even after a month, right now, he's still here. Still here thinking if this will work anymore. He's thinking right now if this is the right thing.

 

The thought of breaking up hurts. The thought of not being with Jongin hurts. But it's because of the time will be wasted. He feels bad for those eight years. And the thought that Jongin's been with him for almost a decade now, is he willing to let that go?

 

As he turns on his side and gets face to face with Jongin's sleeping face, he says. The clock says 5:27 a.m. means Kyungsoo's been awake for a whole now.

 

Staring at Jongin's face, he remembers some times when he feels so inlove. How he used to cry just knowing Jongin loves him. How he feels so happy holding Jongin's hand while going to university. How they celebrated Kyungsoo's first day of work. How he kissed Jongin breathless when the taller got promoted. How he whispered how proud he is for Jongin. Those were years ago.

 

Now he doesn't know what happen.

 

Staring at Jongin's lips, nose, cleft chin.. He remembers the feeling of Jongin nuzzling onto his hair last night. The whispered I love you and goodnight and the tightness of Jongin's hold. It hurts.. But maybe, he has to do it.

 

Before time gets longer until he can't untangle his self anymore. He needs to do it now.

 

The alarm clock rings aloud and he close his eyes before Jongin wake up. 

 

After some moments, he feels Jongin maneuvering around him. The alarm gets turned off. And Jongin lies again beside him while stroking Kyungsoo's hair. He feels hot breath on his nose, then a pair of warm lips on his forehead. The lips stay there for some seconds. After some peck, Jongin kisses his cheek softly. He can feel the smile forming on his skin and a low hum from Jongin.

 

" _Good morning_ ," Jongin whispers so softly, almost inaudible. He can feel Jongin's hand on his hip and waist, touching and hugging. He can feel Jongin scooting closer to hold jim close. How Jongin combs his hair so softly he feels like sleeping again.

 

After another peck on the tip of his nose and forehead, Jongin sits up. The warm is gone but Jongin made sure he's warm, arranging the blanket to reach Kyungsoo's shoulder.

 

Hearing the padding of Jongin's feet getting faint, he opens his eyes slowly.

 

Jongin's making it hard than it already is.

 

\-----

 

After three days, it's still the same.

 

Morning with Jongin pampering him and they would go to their respective works. Jongin would fetch him from work and they would eat outside. They would go to their shared apartment and Jongin would talk about work. About some restaurants they should visit. After some hours, they would go their room. Would sleep. And Kyungsoo would spent times again thinking.

 

Like right now, the day started with Jongin waking up earlier to make breakfast. Kyungsoo's better but Jongin makes decent breakfast. Kyungsoo's sure Jongin just want to pamper him.

 

"Babe? I don't have work today," Jongin informs from the kitchen. Kyungsoo yawns, stretching his limbs. He enters the kitchen and sees Jongin in sky blue apron serving plates on the table.

 

Jongin chuckles when Kyungsoo yawns again then scrunches up his face after. He walks over Kyungsoo to kiss his forehead while running his palm on Kyungsoo's back, soothing him from the cringy yawn.

 

"What did you say?" Kyungsoo asks while putting bacons and egg on his plate. He puts a piece of chicken leg on Jongin's plate and misses the reddening ears and cheeks and the tight lip smile on Jongin's face.

 

"I don't have work today," Jongin repeats. "Do you want me to send you off?" he offers. Its not a big deal since Kyungsoo's work place is not that far. He also wants to spend some time with Kyungsoo even for a little bit.

 

"No need," Kyungsoo replies. Again, he misses the frown on Jongin's face.

 

"Okay," Jongin's simple reply.

 

After the breakfast, Kyungsoo prepares his attire for the day. He also took his time inside the bathroom.

 

While rinsing the suds off from his body, he's thinking how is he going to tell this to Jongin. How is he going to tell Jongin he wants his freedom back. His single status back. He thinks of the things that will happen, too.

 

He'll probably move out. No more Jongin's kisses in the morning. No more Jongin and him on cinemas. No more dad jokes from Jongin. No more Jongin demanding to hold his hands. No more long drives on Sundays. No more Jongin's hilarious pancakes. No more overcooked or undercook rice. No more hot chocolates with marshmallows on their couple mugs. No more brushing teeth together. No more kisses from Jongin on market and mall. No more embarrassing screams from Jongin on halloween movies. No more Jongin.

 

Hot tears stream down from his eyes and the thought hurts and he's not really ready to let go of what happened to them. The things they do. Odd how he feels ready to let Jongin go but not those things and memories.

 

He rinses his hair and body faster. He can't be late for work.

 

After putting his attire on and when he feels like his hair is dry enough, he goes downstair. He sees Jongin sitting on the couch, watching a show playing on the television immensely.

 

When Jongin hears him, the latter stands up and smiles.

 

"You going now?" Jongin asks. "I'm going out to get groceries. Drop me off at the market?"

 

Kyungsoo looks at his wristwatch and feels like an idiot. He advanced his phone by twenty-five minutes to make sure he would not be late.

 

He doesn't want to wait at work. He still has fortyfive minutes to kill. If he goes to work, he has to wait for almost twenty minutes. Which is not bad but Kyungsoo doesn't want to see Baekhyun and Jongdae for now. His head still hurts from the words his friends told him about his relationship with Jongin.

 

"I think I'll kill half an hour. You can take the car. I can just commute," he offers but Jongin shakes his head, refusing. "It's fine?" he asks.

 

Jongin frowns but nods. A fond smile blooming on his face. Jongin walks to him and Kyungsoo finds himself stepping back. But feeling the edge of the table digging on his back, he sighs.

 

Jongin leans down and presses his lips to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo just closes his eyes, letting Jongin do what he wants. Jongin pecks him once more before walking to the door, taking his jacket first and putting a slide slippers.

 

"Take care," Jongin says with a smile and wink before stepping out of the door.

 

Hearing the click of the doorknob, Kyungsoo sighs before leaning on the table. He kinda feels like throwing up from the anxiety and depression.

 

Is it really the right thing to do? Is he going to back out again? Just how long is he going to wait? When's the right time to tell Jongin? There's no such thing as right time. He just need to move and do it.

 

Opening up his sling bag, he takes out a orange sticky note and his pen. He feels his hand trembling. His face morphing into grimace just by thinking of the words he should write. Minutes are passing and he's going to be late.

 

' _I'll just talk to him later_ ,' he tells himself. _'I will just let him know what are we going to talk about_.'

 

Kyungsoo tries to focus, tries to calm his nerves so that his hands won't tremble. But the lines are too ugly. So he sits down on a chair and put the sticky notepad on the table and starts writing.

 

After some scribbling, he stands up and walks in front of the refrigerator hesitantly. He pulls out the sticky note paper, sticking it on the door of the refrigerator. He reads the words. And reads it again. He reads and reads, repeatedly until they hold no meaning anymore.

 

Sighing, he puts his pen and sticky notepad inside his sling bag and goes to work. He just doesn't know if he'll do good in work today. When all he's thinking about is what is he going to tell Jongin. How is he going to break up with his boyfriend. How is he going to tell without throwing up.

 

He just hope Jongin won't cry and beg for him to stay. He doesn't want to feel more guilty than he already is.

 

\-----

 

Jongin's humming as he enters the apartment, grunting a bit when his toes hits the doorframe. He suddenly feels regretful not wearing sneakers or anything to protect his toes.

 

Putting the groceries on top of the table, he then pulls the basket on the table towards him. He puts the fruits on the the basket to make sure they won't sog. The fruits he put inside the refrigerator last week sogs faster than his cereal flakes.

 

He puts the instant ramen pouches on the cabinet about the sink. And puts the other foods, condiments and snacks in the drawer below the kitchen counter. Pulling out styrofoams of frozen meat and eggs and putting them at the kitchen counter near the refrigerator.

 

Holding a tray of eggs, he's about to open the refrigerator door when his eyes caught something. Dark orange note stuck on the gray door. He squints as he saunters over, furrowing his brows at the words written on the small paper.

 

' _I am sorry. This won't work anymore, Jongin'_

 

Jongin's mind suddenly stops at the words. He can feel the questions lingering around his head but he shakes his head, shaking the questions too. He puts the tray of eggs on the kitchen counter and lets the frustration looms over him with a sigh.

 

\-----

 

"What the fuck do you mean you told him _over a note_?" Baekhyun screeches while walking at the parking lot, looking for Kyungsoo's car. Jongdae shakes his head while looking at Baekhyun dramatically.

 

"I just want to give him an idea," Kyungsoo answers, he doesn't really want to talk about it. He doesn't want to say any word about it. He just want to talk with Jongin first.

 

"Well, you're dumb and an idiot. You should've talk to him in person," Baekhyun grumbles when he's buckled his seatbelt and huffs when he sees Jongdae at the backseat in his earphone. The other clearly doesn't want to hear any argument. Baekhyun feels irritated over it. Only because he knows Jongdae would side over him but the latter opts of to cross out his self at this issue.

 

"I'll talk to him," Kyungsoo says flatly.

 

"When?" Baekhyun interogates.

 

Kyungsoo purses his lips for some seconds before he answers.

 

"When I get home," he answers.

 

After dropping of a tired Jongdae and a pissy Baekhyun who has the nerve to shut his cardoor _harshly_ , he drives to home.

 

He feels agitated. He can feel his chest beating erratically and as much as he wants to fidget on his fingers, he can't. He's holding on a steering wheel so he settle for gripping it tightly while he lets his body jitters until it's gone.

 

Pulling over at the parking lot of the apartment building, he shakes his hands first and squeezes them few times. He rubs his chest first and closes his eyes for a short meditation.

 

The elevator feels like its moving too fast from Kyungsoo's liking. The old man smiling at him inside the small place and he smiles back, albeit reluctantly. He's not good with strangers and the thought of what would happen once he opens the door of their shared apartment.

 

Walking on their floor towards their apartment, he feels like every step is dragging him to a deep ocean, in the middle of a forest in winter, feels like walking towards a fire. His chest feels full and he can feel the skin around his eyes getting warm.

 

He doesn't know how his tembling hand manages to tap the security without fail.

 

He inhales a good amount of air before taking a step to the threshold. He takes note of the lights turned on and the sound of television. Entering the living room, he frowns when he heard Jongin singing faintly but with a hushed echoes. Jongin's probably at the kitchen or something.

 

His mind forgetting to take his shoes off and he enters the kitchen.

 

Indeed, Jongin is there with plastic gloves on his hands, assembling fruits on a plate. At the table, a large bowl of japchae along with dumplings and slices of bibimbap are there already; smoking and looking delicious. He also see a bucket of take out seasoned chicken.

 

The beating of his heart is still sharp and loud but the jittering somewhat stops since ge enters the kitchen.

 

Jongin takes off the used plastic gloves and takes the plate to put it in the table when the taller spots him.

 

Jongin's concentrated face turns into a bright face with beaming smile.

 

"You're home!" Jongin greets softly but also giddily. He puts the plate of chopped fruits on the table before walking to Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo's shocked and confused. Why is Jongin acting like this? Didn't he see the note? Taking a look at the refrigerator, his confusion hits the roof because it's _not_ there. Meaning, Jongin must've seen it. Jongin leans to him, giving him a chaste kiss on the right cheek before going to the fridge.

 

"I cooked earlier and was worried you'll come home late. But I think I'm really that genius, huh?" Jongin blabbers while taking out cartons of juices. The latter turns around to pour juice on the glasses at the table.

 

"Jongin-" he almost whispered but Jongin's next words shut him up.

 

"And I want to talk to you about something," his boyfriend demands and Kyungsoo gulps slightly at that. This is it.

 

They're gonna break up. No one knows who's gonna take the fridge and television. The bed and the apartment. He grew to love the place and he doesn't want to leave this place.

 

"What's with this?" Jongin asks sternly.

 

Kyungsoo's reveries came into a halt when he saw what's on Jongin's fingers.

 

The note.

 

"It says ' _it won't work anymore_ '," the other says pointedly. Jongin walks closer to the fridge anf opens the gray door.

 

"But I found the _fridge_ working. What are you saying it's not working anymore?"

 

Kyungsoo gawks at the question. And he also gapes at Jongin's pissed off tone and annoyed expression.

 

He should not found this situation amusing but he does. His lips are trying to break free from each other, being pursed for some seconds, and to form into a smile. But seriously, he's just stiffling a laugh.

 

He takes a look at Jongin's apron and the stern look. The uneven thickness of his upper lips if you squint and the fip of his hips from side while crossing his arms over his chest.

 

Seeing Jongin like this. Remembering Jongin's warm kisses in the morning and dumb jokes. Jongin's silly smiles and endless staring. Jongin's antics and idiocy. Jongin's furrowed eyebrows and plain white shirt. Seeing Jongin's gucci slide slippers and in Kyungsoo's light blue apron.

 

He suddenly remember why he fought for them. Why he gave this relationship a chance. He suddenly remember why he can't leave Jongin alone. It's because he doesn't want to hurt the other. It's because he's still not ready to let go of these things. He came to realisation that he's not ready to leave Jongin. To let go of Jongin.

 

He thinks it's his fault. That he's not giving this relationship a chance fully. Maybe, the spark were gone. The thrill were gone. The sizzling feeling of newborn love grew up now.

 

And maybe, he's wrong. He's wrong for thinking he doesn't feel the same way anymore. He realizes that he's doing it himself. Thinking he's not inlove anymore. Letting his mind decide for every action.

 

Maybe.. Maybe _it's him_ who untangled his own self from Jongin.

 

Maybe.. He just need to appreciate Jongin's love and care to feel that sparks again.

 

Jongin sighs and walks towards him, hugging his side softly and kissing his forehead. Kyungsoo baskins at the feeling of soft and warm lips on his skin, suddenly feeling giddy with unknown reason.

 

"The _fridge_ is _fine_ ," Jongin whispers, pout evident on his voice. Kyungsoo laughs. From the dumb words and the turn up of this event. He can feel his eyes welling up, feeling guilty for thinking of leaving Jongin for months. He's been thinking about this for months.

 

He doesn't know what's happening anymore. His emotion taking over him. He doesn't notice Jongin leaning back, his face marred with worry.

 

"Are you okay?" the other asks him, holding onto his arms.

 

Kyungsoo knows they should still talk. That maybe, he's just so overwhelmed now. But there's also part of him that's so sure he won't leave Jongin anymore. He still think they should talk. They should, if they want to work things out. But he also wants to feel Jongin. Months of neglecting Jongin and neglecting his own self from the caring hands of his lover.

 

"I'm just tired," he reasons. Jongin hums in response.

 

"Do you want to eat first?"

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head.

 

"Well, let's just microwave the later," Jongin answers. "Do you want coffee then?" he adds.

 

Kyungsoo closes his eyes at the feeling of Jongin's hands on his back, soothing him. Making him feel loved and wanted.

 

He's so idiot to ever think of leaving this man just because of some lost sparks and wants.

 

He shakes his head again.

 

"What do you want, then?" Jongin asks softly, combing his hair now.

 

"Just hold me," Kyungsoo replies shyly. He can feel his cheeks heating up so he hides his face on Jongin's chest and neck.

 

"Okay," the other says softly and sweetly.

 

Kyungsoo's still clad in his work attire, his feet still in the cages of leather shoes.

 

But right now, he just want Jongin to hold him tighly.

 

And maybe, just maybe, beats Jongin on ' _who will propose first'._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Subscriptions, comments, and kudos are all appreciated!


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